Creating Possibility

Force Creates Resistance

Karen Coulson - Wednesday, June 29, 2011

'It's in accepting what is and being grateful for what we have, that creates more of what we would like.' kc

Have you ever cracked an egg and been annoyed when you’ve noticed a tiny piece of eggshell in the egg white? Did you then spend some frustrated moments chasing the eggshell around the bowl?

Goals can sometimes be like that elusive eggshell. You do all you can, you push and pursue and work hard and yet it continues to elude you. Could it be that in the pursuit of the goal - you actually chase it further away?

How could that be? The principle of ‘force creating resistance’ may be in effect. This principle states that whenever we put pressure on something or someone - we inevitably create resistance ie we may be trying to ‘make something happen’ and all we are doing is creating the opposite effect. If that is the case -  how do we break the cycle?

Just recently my husband and I achieved a goal we had set more than 15 years ago - to buy a self storage facility. Over those years we’d done all we could to achieve it - we did the homework with costings and real estate, continuously looked for the right property, had meetings with other owners, negotiated on a number of facilities, attended conferences to learn more about the particular business, and thought of various ways we could develop one ourselves.

After pushing towards this goal for a very long time without any tangible success, we came to the conclusion that it was ok if it didn’t happen.  We were grateful for what we had achieved, we had other things we were looking forward to - and we were no longer going to actively pursue that particular goal. It felt like the pressure to find something was off.

Interestingly, within the week, we’d received a call from a broker for a facility we’d looked at some months prior - the owner was willing to negotiate - we made an offer, it was accepted and we settled on our wedding anniversary. It was interesting in that process, that our lack of ‘force’ allowed the negotiation go in our favour. We were ok with the outcome whether the vendor agreed to sell at our offer or not - and somehow both the broker and the vendor sensed that.

It is often in our ‘must have it’ attitude, that we can actually push what we really want even further away.  Trust in the process - set a worthwhile goal, choose the best possible strategies that work for you to achieve it, focus and work towards it - and be ok with it happening - or not. Then work steadily toward achieving it.

You’ll find that in accepting what unfolds rather than forcing a result is the missing piece to really achieving what you want.

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